I'm Responsible for a Small Human Being

Childbirth. It's a secret society that you are not let into until you have been there. There is a reason for this. It's like a tornado filled with dynamite in a sex education class taught by Sam Kinison. Sounds pretty crazy, but I can't divulge anymore details because there may be people reading this who have not been admitted into this secret society. I was surely standing in that delivery room like a deer in the headlights of an F-14 going the speed of sound. All of a sudden, there's a baby and I am sobbing with joy and I can't feel my hands because they are tingling like I just jumped out of an airplane.

Then my eyes see the most amazing baby ever. By the time I go to bed that night my head is spinning with emotions (it's been a crazy couple of days). We took all the classes to prepare, but putting diapers on and bathing the plastic doll is a bunch of crap compared to the real thing, no pun intended. I changed my first diaper today and it was a lot like trying to type with your feet. By the time I finished, I used half a pack of wipes and the used diaper was in the trash like a roadkilled carcus. I have no idea how to bundle up a used diaper and the baby ended up with crap on her feet, ankles and who knows what else that I missed. She wasn't pleased with me putting on the new diaper, but it didn't fall off when I picked her up which was a huge moral boost (equivalent to a participation ribbon in a track meet). I have no doubt that I will figure this out, but I openly admit I have no idea what I'm doing. Scary? Yes. But give me a break, everyone that does this is in the same boat. Sweet baby, take it is easy on your dad, he's usually a pretty quick learner.