Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Under the Knife

Bright and squirrelly this morning I headed in for my date with the scalpel. It seems that everything went really well. The Doc said that some tendons break pretty clean, but mine kind of looked like mop strings." I took it as a compliment, because I'm different and that makes me special. Being special is something to be proud of. A little tidbit I learned in Sunday school or somewhere on of the few times I didn't escape with my friend Kaiser and raise hell stealthily roaming the church under the aliases Fernando and Eugene.......but that's just a digressing story I will attribute to the Percosett.

One of the high points of the day was all the free stuff I scored at the infirmary. After arriving I got to strip my gimp ass naked to dawn the fashion savy robe. I just about bit it trying to get it tied so as not to give a free show to the nurse, but they didn't let me keep that. I did, however get to put on this really sweet stocking for my good leg. I think they probably felt pretty bad for all the attention that my right was getting so it was nice to have them throw a bone to the lefty as it has been the workhorse lately. This high quality textile is a tight white thigh hight that greatly resembles the shooting sleeve worn by your NBA favorites such as Allen Iverson, or Carmello Anthony. I will be calling mine a hobbling sleeve as that fits my mojo better and I'm kind of hoping it helps my already crazy white boy ups that I have.

One of the other fine items included some powder blue socks with space age polymer traction on the bottom. Watch out Five Ten, this stuff could be the next Stealth product. Actually, this is very doubtful. These are the type of item a homeless person gets for their great grandmother for Christmas, but I figure I can roll in the for a few day to test the fashion waters. I'm not sure if I got the mate, so I might not be able to wear them upon regaining my bipedal status.

After surgery I was treated to cuisine of saltine crackers, graham crackers and Sprite. They went with the mini cans of Sprite, of course, just in case I had morphed into a 5 year old during the anesthesia. As for the crackers, well I was about to chew off the other leg in hunger so I hit those pretty hard, I think a Belgian waffle and some bacon would have been a nice gesture after slicing into the back of my leg, but who am I to judge. First the airlines, now the hospitals. We will be lucky if we get food at restaurants soon the way this is going. I was pretty hungry and was starting to wonder if I got a contact hight from the Panama Red the doc was rockin' in the OR, but they assured me this was not the case.

In all fairness, I did have a very good experience. The doctors were good and assured me everything went very well. Thanks to the "candy" they gave me I have been totally pain free the whole time. The only bad news of the day was that they said it would be 6 months until I am 100% from this operation. Even an outdoor rec major can't count those months on one hand, but I will see if I can beat that time line. I'm fairly certain that I will be an extremely motivated PT patient. Peace and love, The Hobbler.

No comments: