Some highlights of the class for me, with my thoughts out loud for your enjoyment:
- 7 minute video with 26 hooter shots....I don't know if pay per view would have that kind of action, but yes, I did tally them during the film when I should have been paying close attention to other information.
- An advertisement for a breastpump with a lady with a pump on each boob, blouse open working on here computer at work.......does this really happen, because it seems a little over the top for me.
- Props that included a stuffed baby with its tongue out and a stuffed boob so we could see what's happening...........I laughed out loud at this thinking if you could ever get a stuffed boob out of one of those claw machines at the arcade?
- Fact of the day: A babys stomach is the size of a marble when born and the size of a ping pong ball on day 10. Our stomach is the size of a softball.......there is no way my lunch would fit into a softball.
- If you need to relieve some of the pressure for your breast milk you can place a disposable diaper, moistened and warmed in the microwave on each breast and sit back and relax.......talk about a hot visual.....be sure the diapers are new and moistened only with water......I am thinking about soothing myself by placing my underwear in the oven and soothing the areas that ail me like ankles, knees, head
- Women can tell by feel which breast is most full. The concept here did not freak me out, but the Sunday school teacher (who is about 60) giving us the visual was too much for me.
- Cure for ear and eye infections: Simply squirt or pour into orifice.
- Cure for bug bites and sunburn: Apply to skin and rub in for relief. Won't this be handy at the lake this summer? "Wife, I just got stung by a bee, can you come over here?"
- Immunity boost: Give your child or spouse a shot if they are sick. Bottoms up!
- Rub on sore or cracked nipples: Great for marathon runners in your life, at mile 20, just find a prego lady.
- Acne and warts: I am sure the teenagers love that when mom offers.
- Sore throats: Just gargle a little breastmilk.
In other news of the week. The Panthers were defeated in the semi-finals of the FCS playoffs. An absolutely devastating loss for me. The photo below was the last happy moment. Pain, bitterness, anger, devastation would be great adjectives to describe the menal state I was/am in. Entering the fourth quarter with a 13 point lead (bad number for football) and losing with 14 seconds left hurts bad. I would much rather have lost by 40. Instead the energy and excitement was so high you could taste the win. I compare the feeling with seeing your wife for the first time in 5 years and when you go to hug her she kicks you in the balls with a pair of steel toe boots. Ouch. As a result I have put together a tentative plan for the first week topics for practice in the spring of 2009:
- Day 1: "You can't win a football game with your thumb up your ass, or your hands around your neck." A look at the anatomy of choking.
- Day 2: "Open tryouts for kicker." All students invited.
- Day 3: "Math 101: 4 quarters to a football game, not 3." Abacuses will be provided by the University Book Store
- Day 4: "Why selling pot will not work out for the greater good of the team." A micro-economic look at the risk/benefit model.
- Day 5: "How pissing down your leg feels good, but does not win championships." A refresher course from last years seminar.