Tales of Peril and Torture

It was great to get back to work this week, but sitting trapped at my desk did bring about several problems.

• In most cases, having a bouldering wall in my office is a pretty sweet setup. However, when one is rendered lame for several months, watching others climb all day isn't all it's cracked up to be. I find myself daydreaming and debating with myself the potentially positive climbing merit the boot could have. The answer is none. Heavy, rigid and over the calf actually have nothing in common with climbing shoes. I guess the only thing it has in common with climbing shoes is that is smells.

• Retrieving coffee in the morning is basically impossible. I did contemplate attempting this magic trick, but decided otherwise. It set up like this in my small little mind: As I perilously crutched across the ice and snow covered campus tundra with a Starbucks cup latched between my legs thoughts of my office chair finish line are perched in my head. Then, unexpectedly, time slows and all hell breaks loose. The tenuous purchase of the crutches give way on the verglas ice beneath them and the battle of man vs. gravity begins. As I slowly fall, the plastic lid disengages from the steadfast cardboard lip of the cup and the liquid magma known as a grande cafe Estima dark roast spews from the confines of the crotch held coffee cup. As I crash to the ground making a sound similar to Will Ferrell on tranquilizers in 'Old School,' I lay helpless on the frozen, coffee saturated tundra around me. Then, as I attempt to rise from the mangled pile of java and ice, I realize my coffee has frozen and I am now trapped, frozen solid, and left for dead on the campus of the University of Minnesota. As I come to terms with my death and delirium sets in, I see in the distance, a polar bear approaching to enjoy a meal by slowly picking my cold, dying and caffeinated flesh from my half dead body as he dines on the herds weakest member. So, as a result, I decided to just stay at my desk and pass on coffee for the day.

• Eating lunch: My wife so kindly packed a nice lunch of leftover stir fry for me to have at work. As my stomach began to growl, I decide to eat. I then realize I have no means of getting to the microwave on the other side of the building while carrying my food. So, now that I have had no coffee and it looks like lunch is probably getting cut, I begin to sob at my desk as I fear I will perish here inept, forgotten and starving.....maybe like this guy.

What we can all learn from these woeful tales is that each day in our daily lives we must constantly analyze out limitations and consider the impossible possibilities. Life is much better lived in a predictable, risk free and controlled manner. As a result, I am considering giving up my passion for climbing, wakeboarding, skiing, and of course, racquetball, to join the professional miniature golf tour and the international society of mall walkers. Currently these are hopes and dreams for me once I can walk again. Anything is possible if you put you mind to it. Click on the image below for my inspiration. I couldn't embed this video, so you will have to go to the blog and scroll down to the Mall Walkers post. It's great.